ROAD TRIP PLANNING!

Helmet Grease is planning it’s First Annual Helmet Grease Road tour which kicks off Tuesday May 26th!

We are driving cross country starting in Charlotte, North Carolina and ending up in Hermosa Beach, California! Our plan is to drive to Nashville, Memphis and then head over to Oklahoma City to pick up the famous Route 66. We will be stopping along the way at every Adult Store we see to introduce our products and more importantly meet the essential people who keep our industry sliding along while the rest of us get to stay at home and enjoy the products they sell.

Before you pull out…of the driveway, it is best to have a plan. Create a plan that gets you there in the time allotted but also is flexible enough to spend more time in locations that require more exploring than you anticipated. Remember what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”

Here’s some helpful tips to plan your next road trip:

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES!

Apparently, Americans are great at coming up with excuses, to the tune of over 2000, on average, per person, per year. YIKES!

Here’s some great and not-so-great excuses for being late to work.

1. I overslept (my alarm didn’t go off)

2. Honestly, I just laid down for five minutes….

3. My kids are sick. ( I don’t even have kids)

4. My Grandmother died (Again?)

5. There was an accident on the BLAH BLAH BLAH Freeway (No reported accidents)

6. The elevator was stuck (It’s a one floor building)

7. I stopped to get donuts for everyone! I actually do this. No one is mad if you’re late if you saunter in like a champ carrying a dozen donuts.

8. There was a water main break on the corner of Bullshit and Nofucking Way.

9. I was tossing off in the shower and my fantasy ran a little longer than expected. But hey, I’m in a great mood!

10. My trick from last night just wouldn’t leave.

MONDAY!

So, it’s Monday already and the weekend flew by as usual. Why does the weekend seem to go by in a blink of an eye and for most the work week seem to go on F O R E V E R?

Here at Helmet Grease, we’re pretty much “working” 24 by 7. But, when you love what you do, it’s not really work is it?

Here’s a list of the top ten things folks do on the weekends…in no particular order.

1. Catch up on sleep.

2. We all know what more time in bed leads to….MORE sex!

3. Catch up with family, friends, and pets.

4. Drink!

5. Yard work. UGH! I love a nice yard, but aren’t there people who do that for a living that I can pay?

6. Hit the gym one last time before the heavy drinking starts on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon.

7. Date night with your sweetie, or maybe even the person you’re married to.

8. Stalk Grindr at 3 am.

9. Meal prep for the week.

10. Go to Lowe’s or Home Depot. Even if you don’t have a home project in mind, you may be able to find Mr. or Mrs. Right in the Plumbing section.

Yes, it’s National Buttermilk Biscuit Day in the U. S. It would have been nice if National Buttermilk Biscuit Day had fallen on the same day as Eat Whatever You Want Day, but you can’t always have everything in life.

For those of you not familiar with a butter milk biscuit you are really missing out on one of the truly decadent breakfast foods. A buttermilk biscuit consists of Flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, butter (lots of butter) and of course, buttermilk.

What is buttermilk? Buttermilk is basically the liquid that is leftover after churning butter. Ironically, it is low in fat and contains most of the protein originally in the milk. True buttermilk ferments naturally into a thick, tangy cream. If you’re craving biscuits and don’t have any buttermilk on hand, use regular milk and mix with some lemon juice or some white vinegar. Easy!

Yes, it’s National Buttermilk Biscuit Day in the U. S. It would have been nice if National Buttermilk Biscuit Day had fallen on the same day as Eat Whatever You Want Day, but you can’t always have everything in life.

For those of you not familiar with a butter milk biscuit you are really missing out on one of the truly decadent breakfast foods. A buttermilk biscuit consists of Flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, butter (lots of butter) and of course, buttermilk.

What is buttermilk? Buttermilk is basically the liquid that is leftover after churning butter. Ironically, it is low in fat and contains most of the protein originally in the milk. True buttermilk ferments naturally into a thick, tangy cream. If you’re craving biscuits and don’t have any buttermilk on hand, use regular milk and mix with some lemon juice or some white vinegar. Easy!

Is spit just as good as lube? The short answer is a resounding NO!

Although spitting on your cock looks hot and it may feel good for a few short seconds, there really is no comparison for you OR your partner to using a good, premium lubricant for tossing off or for penetration.

Here’s why:

1. Although free, spit can dry out quickly and it can cause irritation.

2. In my humble opinion, for tossing off, hands down Natural lubricant feels the best.

3. For those of us lucky enough to have an endless vat of precum, lube can still enhance the experience for both you and your partner.

4. You don’t have to keep reapplying lube. Stopping to reapply spit repeatedly, can really kill the mood

5. You just can’t get that slick, slippery feeling with spit as you do with lube.

6. Lastly, the expression, “Bent over and dry fucked” is not a compliment. Use lube!

National Limerick Day, held every year on May 12, pays homage to the man who made the short poems widespread — Edward Lear. Lear was an English poet who is known for his nonsense-style, often writing with made-up words. He wrote 212 Limericks.

What is a limerick?

A limerick is a humorous poem consisting of five lines. The first, second, and fifth lines must have seven to ten syllables while rhyming and having the same verbal rhythm. The third and fourth lines should only have five to seven syllables; they too must rhyme with each other and have the same rhythm.

The origin of the poem’s name is a bit disputed, but most people believe it comes from the Irish city of Limerick.

Here’s a few of my ideas to help you enjoy this delicious holiday! Dive in!

1. Chocolate – indulge your sweet tooth. Today is the day to explore more than that bitter, 95% cocoa you’ve been eating….for your heart.

2. Carb load – Carbonara anyone?

3. Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!

4. Two dozen hot wings! Yes, with the Blue cheese or ranch dressing.

5. Anything your mama or grandmama make.

6. Eat breakfast for dinner. Pancakes, and not the ones made from soy flour, the real things! OH, with real maple syrup.

7. Lobster with drawn butter. Or better yet, a couple of lobster rolls. YES!

8. Chow down on a nice juicy bone-in ribeye. Medium rare please!

9. Donuts!

10. This last one if for you to fill in with your favorite cheat meal.

What is National Masturbation Day? (also know as International Masturbation Day, which is May 28th)

According to lore, and Wikipedia, National masturbation day celebrates the RIGHT to masturbate. Not sure the Pope was asked to weigh in on this right. Uh hum. Anyhow, The first National Masturbation Day was May 7, 1995, after retailer Good Vibrations declared the day in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who had been fired in 1994 by President Bill Clinton for suggesting masturbation be part of the sex education curriculum for students. Imagine, being fired by Bill Clinton over your stand on masturbation.